Dating coach Jonathan Aslay says how men in their 40s seek love will depend on how they have resolved their emotional dilemmas. “As men grow older, they are riddled by unresolved childhood wounds or adult traumas,” he says. In addition to having more responsibility in your 40s, you likely have an entirely different set of priorities—and a timeline that may look different than it did in the past, too. When you’re in your 20s, dating may be the only responsibility you care to prioritize. But when you’re in your 40s, it’s likely one of many aspects of your life that you’re trying to keep afloat.
And I have children and a wife that keeps me humble. I think my faith keeps me humble and grateful. Yeah, I mean, there’s just a lot of things to keep us humble. Like I don’t understand how people can’t be humble, right? Even the very best of players because there’s just too much to knock us down a step here and there.
According to our resident psychologist Salama, today’s singles have higher expectations from dating than ever before and are not hesitant to be demanding with their search for love. Individuals are less willing to compromise on their requirements in a partner and therefore stricter about not wasting their time with people who they’re not suited to. This means more than ever before, you can be very clear about what you’re looking for. So for many newly single Brits, dating again is a daunting prospect. I am newly separated – 3 months – and this gives me hope throughout my loneliness.
Don’t think him being divorced means he doesn’t want to commit. Many divorced men would love to have the opportunity to try marriage again and get it right. But even if he’s not interested in getting married again any time soon, the fact that he stayed married for a while shows he’s commitment-minded.
Or consider “hiring” your partner like a boss
Going into your fifth decade don’t post a picture of yourself from 20 years ago. Your date is going to show up expecting to see that person, not the woman you are today. Embrace your wrinkles, gray hair, and body weight, and accept yourself. It’s important to be okay with who you are now. When you own who you are, you’ll be in a much better place to be in a truthful, open, honest relationship.
You’re more likely to meet someone with whom you share things in common when you’re doing things you love. If you’ve never tried online dating it can feel a little weird when you’re starting out, but it’s super common these days and it’s a great way to get yourself back out there. These guys – like many divorced women – are wary of marriage, wary of losing their assets, and you shouldn’t rush them into commitment.
Watch for red flags early on in the relationship.
You know, I’ll be your friend, I’ll help you in any way you can. Yeah, so first of all, I mean, I would say professional sports isn’t as glamorous Quickflirt as people think it is. Second of all, it does provide financial security. I mean, a lot of marriages struggle because of finances.
A man in his 40s likely has an established career and might have kids. He has a lot going on in his life, which means he’ll probably have limited time to spend with you. He might also not be able to do a lot of really spontaneous things that can be so much fun when you first start dating someone. In his 40s, he’s a lot more interested in your personality. Guys in their 40s, generally, are focused on looking for someone that would make a good life partner.
“If you have kids, don’t make your life and your conversations all about the kids. Men want to know you have a life outside of your kids, which will hopefully include them,” Coloccia says. “Your date will be objectifying you before even meeting you, and thinking about getting you naked rather than getting to know you.” “Many women are looking for a ‘good’ partner but have not defined what good looks like,” Drenner explains.
Yet, for perennial singles looking for love, recognizing the right time to venture into the dating pool remains a challenge. He also knows that time is more valuable than anything else—and that there are few things more satisfying than being able to hire someone to tackle a menial task he’d rather not do. Whether that’s mundane market research or a thorough house-cleaning, by 40, he has an instinct for when something is going to take too long and be unbearably dull. And he’s happy to pay for an extra set of hands. Younger guys drag themselves out of bed at a certain hour because theyhave to—even if it means they have to drag themselves, half-awake, through the rest of the day. But as men move ahead in career and in life, they see what a wreck they become without a decent amount of sleep.
A lot of people make the error of talking about their ex with a new person, both online and offline. It gives the new person the impression you’re not ready to meet someone new. And if you’re not ready to date someone, don’t do it. It’s better to wait and really be open to something new.
Guys in my generation, you know, talking about the players of this generation in not such a great fashion, I see the players of today as just as much fun and they work harder than we worked as players. And anyway, I enjoy it, they keep me young, I really liked their personalities, and I love their dedication to the game. I had six kids in school at the time at home, and put my wife through a lot in just my playing career. And so we had an NBA lockout, a work stoppage. And during that stoppage, I knew then that I should not be coaching. But I was making more money than I’ve ever made in my life, our team was getting better and better, and those temptations just like kept me staying with coaching.
“Remember that it’s okay to need a break and it’s okay if you need help.” “A lot of people end up in dating ruts by going to the same places and seeing the same friends all the time,” Daniels says. “Try new places, reach out to other friends for setups, or try a new dating app and see if that can help you meet some new men.” “Women over 40 sometimes convince themselves that there are not many good opportunities for a future mate on the dating scene after 40, and therefore settle for the first good candidate who comes along,” Drenner says. “Too often, they make the ‘smart choice,’ meaning a good potential partner that cares for them, rather than the ‘heart choice,’ who is someone they love.” So go ahead and hold out for someone who you really, truly love.
If you’re not interested in a serious relationship, tell him so. “You have every right to be nervous. You’re not good at something you haven’t practiced in ages,” Winter says. “So start with allowing yourself the ability to explore, be curious and learn. You don’t have to know what you haven’t done.” We’ve put together a few tips to get you across the dating start line… Getting out to even meet someone has been hard.